10 Similarities Between yoda and Joseph Kony

After watching a Star Wars parody of the Kony 2012 video, I began to realize that Kony is actually a lot like Master Yoda. Here’s why…

If you don’t know who Joseph Kony is by now, like him, you’ve probably been hiding out in the jungle somewhere for the past few weeks interfering with children. Joseph Kony is the leader of the Lord’s Resistance Army, a pretty nasty rebel group based somewhere in Central Africa. He’s recently become an internet celebrity to rival the likes of OMG Cat and the Sneezing Panda thanks to a dubious campaign video by inverted-comma charity ‘Invisible Children’.

After watching a Star Wars parody of the Kony 2012 video, I began to realize that Kony is actually a lot like Master Yoda. Here’s why…

 

OK, so Yoda’s rebels are the good guys. At least he says they are. You never really see just how much collateral damage their rebel movement causes, except for the Ewoks that is. I wonder how many Wampas they forcibly evicted to build their base on Hoth.

OK, so Kony’s hideout is somewhere in Central Africa and Yoda hangs out on Dagobah – a swampy world in a galaxy far, far away – but they’re both heavily forested. Of course, Yoda doesn’t surround himself with child sex-slaves, but I bet he would if he could. He is pretty creepy after all.

A bit of a weak point, we wouldn’t be talking about them if they weren’t famous. Does Kony 2012 even qualify as a movie? Move on.

Fortunately, Yoda doesn’t insist on smearing his rebel fighters with magic oil.

 

When Luke was born, he and Obi Wan took him from his dying mother and hid him on Tatooine. Years later, Yoda trains Luke in the Jedi arts and indoctrinates him into the way of the Jedi. He tells him that he must kill Vader, but says nothing about Vader being his father.

Why did Yoda lie to Luke. He was probably worried about Luke turning to the dark side, but isn’t he more likely to do that after discovering that he’s been lied to?

If we’ve learned anything about the light saber from the films it’s that this dreadful weapon is designed to slice off body parts and leave victims mutilated. In fact, it seems to be designed to cauterize wounds, allowing victims to continue living – without hands – as an example to others. Joseph Kony has cut the ears, lips and fingers of some of his victims.

Kony has convinced some of his followers that he has magical powers granted to him by God, and many fear him for just that reason. That and the violence. Yoda’s powers of persuasion are much more direct.

Joseph Kony is a devout Christian. He believes that God wants him to murder civilians. The 10 commandments are at the center of both his religious beliefs and the political goals of his rebel movement, although he clearly doesn’t follow them himself. He also believes that Jesus abducted his disciples ion the same way that he abducts children.

The Star Wars films never really explain what Yoda believes in. All we know is that it has something to do with midichlorians and building an army of aliens with superpowers.

It’s a fact that the Kony 2012 video fails to mention. Kony hasn’t been in Uganda for several years. He now operates in the border region between the Democratic Republic of Kongo and South Sudan.

Is Invisible Children founder Jason Russel really as bad as Darth Vader? Probably not. He doesn’t routinely strangle his own workforce, but he does run around the streets of San Diego butt naked shouting at traffic, punching the ground and shaking his Tic Tac at passers-by. If that’s not twisted, I don’t know what is. We shouldn’t laugh, it’s clearly some kind of mental health issue, possibly substance abuse. Get well soon Jason. You too Vader.

 

Here’s a link to that Kony 2012 Star Wars parody I mentioned above:  Star Wars People Parody – Kony 2012